Movies Are For Grownups (or those who can act grown up)

This week’s incident at the Alamo Drafthouse tugs at my heartstrings. 😉

NSFW: She Texted, So We Kicked Her Out

For those who don’t want to endure the NSFW video and blog, here is the gist:

  1. Alamo warns (several times) that calls/texting during their movies is forbidden.
  2. Girl texts.
  3. Girl ignores two personal warnings to stop texting or she’ll be thrown out.
  4. Girl continues to text.
  5. Girl is thrown out.
  6. Angels from the heavens sing down upon those below.
  7. (Dumbass) Girl leaves Alamo a voice mail explaining how irate[1] she is that she was thrown out.
  8. Girl is an instant Internet legend. Thank you, social media.
  9. All is right with the world, again, as order is restored to the adult movie theater experience.


And now, for the back story as it relates to me/us.

When E and I started dating, I mostly refused to go to movies. We went to a few coveted faves, but each time, I was disappointed, at the very least.

One time (after we were married), when out with friends to see Madagascar, I made a big stink…with good reason.

The punk-ass[2] kids—there were ~6 of them—behind us wouldn’t shut up.

  1. I asked them, nicely, to stop talking. (I remember being a teenager with only the movies as a place to hang out. I cut them some slack.)
  2. I told them sternly to be quiet.
  3. I told them to shut the eff up. (They giggled, so I thought I really had their attention this time.)
  4. The fourth time, I stormed through the very large theater building, stopping at each employee along the way, until I found the one-and-only manager. I knocked on the box office door; I saw him look through the peep hole and then walk away. I bet he could hear my blood curdling from that little lack of customer service. I beat on the door with my fist until he came out. After he ignored me, my demands went something like this, “We paid $16 to see this movie and we can’t enjoy it because some unsupervised kids behind us won’t shut up. I want you to take care of it, and I want my money back, too. Oh, and I saw you try to ignore me.”

He followed me all the way to our theater where I dramatically pointed (not unlike the Evil Monkey from Chris’ closet).

Evil Monkey

He dragged the hoodlums outside for a good ten minutes. When he did escort them back in, it was to the front row and they were perfect angels for the last (what? maybe 20 minutes at this point?) part of the movie. He must have verbally beat them within an inch of their lives.

Grownup: 1
Punk-ass kids: 0
Cinemark Theater: 0 (He gave us a refund and movie passes for the future, which I’m sure E used.)
Friends: 0 (They never invited us to go with them, again. …not that I blame them….besides…)

…I vowed to never go to a movie theater again.
I amended that vow when we visited B&M in Austin and went to an Alamo Drafthouse. [3]


What is annoying about most of the comments is how the “authors” are completely ignorant of how an Alamo Drafthouse theater is set up or how it works. “Take over our [defunct] theater” won’t work. The reason Alamo is successful is:

  • Every row of seats is its own “level” or landing. Everyone has a good view. You aren’t sitting on a slant.
  • Every row has sections of a drink/food rail. It’s like a small bar or counter so you can eat/drink at your seat.
  • The layout prevents the possibility that someone could kick your seat during the show. There is an aisle back there and another rail.
  • You can/will get food/drinks during the show (good and inconspicuous service, too!). You write your order on a piece of paper and tuck it into the rail. Servers see the paper standing up, crouch & sneak over, and quietly whisper questions if they have any. It’s a little like the flags at Panchos. They don’t bother you, ever. But, they are there if you need them.
  • They tell you to arrive at least 45 minutes before the show so you can get seated and order. They ask if you’ve been before so they can give you the “orientation” if needed. They serve buckets of beer, so you can order food/drinks and then be done to enjoy the show.
  • They bring the checks in the last few minutes of the show. They have this down to a science and know exactly when to do this.
  • The atmosphere of Austin being “weird” is the big reason the theater is successful: Austinites appreciate the arts!


I’m still not a huge go-to-the-movies fan, but when we do, we Alamo.

[1] I’m sure that “irate” is an SAT word that she didn’t remember from any prep course in high school.
[2] S coined the term punk-ass-kids. A similar group of teens rear-ended him/J at a red light at ~40mph…with no brakes. They were chatting and no paying attention. The brand-new-hadn’t-even-been-home-yet SUV was totaled.
[3] One time, E and some friends coerced me into a Lord of the Rings showing. While I love the movies and seeing them on the big screen, I hate their “cult”. I was all set to sit in the car for three hours until E made puppy-dog eyes at me. I told him this was the last time. Since it was the last LOTR, he didn’t care.

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