I’ve had the “bah humbugs” for three years, now.

Here’s the beginning of a list of why’s.

• the shopping
• the errands
• the rush
• the hustle
• the hassle
• the grumpy clerks
• the grumpy fellow-shoppers
• the canned music in every freakin’ store
• the Salvation Army bell at every entrance
• the wrapping
• the cooking
• the bah humbugs
• the overt “everyone’s Christian” mindset and attitude
• the bills
• the decorating
• the way Christmas forces us to shop “globally” instead of “locally”
• the insanity
• the weather
• the gazillion charity drives
• the days off “ruined” by too much “work” to do
• the theft and crime
• the higher degree of stress in everyone
• the commercialization of it all…..

Mostly, I hate that every party we are invited to has a 1) gift exchange, 2) covered dish, and 3) toy for charity (or some other contribution). Any one, I can handle. All three is too much to ask. I’ve sworn off all parties this year. If you are having one, I will decline. (E can go if he wants to; that’s fine with me.) I’m not even going to some parties where I should. (Sorry Photo Guild. My apologies Bridal Association.)

I’d love for it to go back to being about:

• time with family
• food
• friends
• fun

I know I’m echoing my uncle, but it’s just not fun anymore. Where did the magic go? Did it leave me when I became aware of Santa? or when I moved away from Texas? or when I became an adult? or when I became a wife?

I want to do that thing where you see someone in need: say an older man on the street with no coat. And you go buy a decent coat and leave it for him to find. I want to bring the “magic” that I think is missing to someone in need. But it would have to be something that can be realized. I need to see this figurative man find the coat. I need to see his realization that it was meant for him. I need to see his smile. I need to see him cuddle in its warmth.

I haven’t “seen” the spirit of the holidays in a really long time.

-L

PS I wish everyone the best and happiest holiday season. I just need compassion and understanding that I’m not in the same place as “everyone else”. And by gods, if you are with me on this, email me. I need the support.